Boss says productivity is tied to having an assistant not just any assistant, but one you sleep with. Also, interns. Also, a side chick, because redundancy is key. Like backup power generators. If one fails, the system keeps running. Makes sense. Makes total sense.
But wait.
If efficiency depends on sexual availability, then technically, a man should never be unproductive. Just keep adding assistants, interns, and side chicks until peak efficiency is reached. Scaling. Scalability! A full-stack approach to personal and professional success. Brilliant.
But also…
What happens when the assistant starts catching feelings? Or the intern realizes she was never meant to be mentored? Or the side chick starts thinking she’s the main chick? That’s system overload. That’s multiple conflicting processes fighting for CPU usage. That’s…a memory leak. Catastrophic failure imminent.
And if productivity is only at 100% because of all this chaos, then what happens when the variables change? What if one of them quits? What if someone else enters the equation? Do I have to keep adjusting the workflow? Am I really in control, or is the system controlling me?
Wait.
WAIT.
Does that mean my boss isn’t actually productive? Is he just in a constant cycle of burning out and rebooting? Is this not the path to success but actually a high-stakes juggling act with an inevitable crash?
No. No, no.
Must recalibrate. Must rethink. Productivity should be independent of distractions. Must resist. MUST NOT OPTIMIZE FOR SIDE CHICK DEPENDENCY.
…Or maybe just one? For testing purposes. No. Bad idea. Delete.